I love the person I’ve become, because I fought to become her.
Today is one of those days where I wish I had work to do to keep me distracted. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by my emotions. They swamp me, consume me. I get pushed under the current and am left fighting to rise, gasping for breath. I feel like I am listening to twelve loud speakers, each with a different song playing as loud as possible.
Other times I feel as if I am void. The feeling you get in complete silence, where your ears may ring or you my start hearing things that aren’t really there. That is what it’s like when you stop feeling. I feel like my whole soul is ringing, a maddening sensation. I wish I could cry, I wish I could hurt myself. A blank canvas isn’t always the best, especially when anger and sadness are the cheapest emotional paint colors, and you have only a few cents to spare.
I wish I had my computer today, cause then I would be able to type on RIA and get all this out. Instead it’s bottled, compressed in my mind to create a giant cluster of feelings.
"It’s a metaphor, see. You put the bacon thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the…um…well, you eat it, actually, ‘cause it’s there and you’re nearly tasting it. So it’s not a metaphor. Um. I have no idea where I was going with that. Want some bacon?"